Nothing but a hallucination
by HouseAddict
Summary: after the events of the hallucination, House tries to avoid the memory of the things he saw. HouseCam. season 2 finale spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: nope, don't own House, I can dream though cant I?**

**Summary: after the events of the hallucination, House tries to avoid the memory of the things he saw. **

**Nothing but a hallucination. **

The fingertip of the robot hand carefully grazed her cheek, she didn't move, her face frozen.

He couldn't just sit back and look any more, he got up from behind the controls and walked up to exam table where she lay. Slowly he lifted his own hand and brought it up beside her face, their gazes were locked in an invisible string of electricity. With out looking away he moved his arm and softly stroked her cheek. Her skin was so soft, so pure. His other hand reached out for hers, their fingers locking in a meaningful touch. She moved her other hand and wrapped it around his neck pulling him towards her. The air stuck in his lungs as he felt her warm breath in his face. He leaned in to kiss her. Darkness.

Gregory House awoke covered in sweat. He had this dream for about 3 nights now, and hated it. He felt like a stupid teenager who had huge crush. But he didn't have a crush, no. It's just his mind messing with him after that hallucination, that long, confusing, stupid hallucination.

He sat up in his hospital bed, slowly moving his hands over his wounds to check on them. The bandages seemed to have been replaced; he looked up with a confused look on his face.

"Cameron changed your bandages earlier" came the voice of his friend and colleague, Dr. James Wilson, His boyish features soon appearing through the door.

"What? Who let her? Did anyone make sure she didn't look at you know, my private parts!" House said sarcastically.

"Im sure there's not much to see anyway" Cameron called, materializing suddenly beside him a chart in hand

"Ouch" Wilson laughed, avoiding House's deadly "I will kill you with my cane" stare.

Cameron moved around him checking his injuries.

"Your all sweaty, have you got a temperature?" she asked placing a hand on his head.

"Nope, just you know, fighting a bullet hole or two" he snapped.

"Poor House had a bad dream, heard you mumbling" Wilson said with a smirk. "Was the big bad Cuddy chasing you?" he asked sarcastically.

"I dreamed that you caught me with your wife" House answered.

Now it was Cameron's turn to laugh and avoid Wilson's stare.

"Funny" Wilson mumbled.

"But true" House smirked as he started to get up.

"Where are you going? You can't walk around yet!" Cameron said in a high pitch squeak.

"Away. Bye."

He was seated in his office chair head in hands. Pictures of the hallucination were flashing in his mind.

"You killed me House" said a woman seated beside him in a car. "My wife killed herself because of you" said a man standing over him gun in hand. "All because you couldn't shut up"

One lonely tear trickled down his cheek. He couldn't remember the last time he cried, he longed to just let it all go, let the tears flow. But he couldn't, he couldn't show such weakness, not even to himself.

He looked down at the floor, his eyes setting on his crippled leg. The treatment didn't work, of course. It was foolish of him to think it would. Besides, he wasn't sure he even wanted it cured. As much as he hated to admit, Wilson was right in the dream. He needed the limp, the obvious sign for his misery. If not for it, what is it that makes him special? A brilliant doctor? What is it that makes him what he is? He was so confused at the moment. He really needed to think. But not here, home, alone.

"Here you are!" Cuddy's voice cut into his thoughts.

"Here I am" he sighed.

"Are you ok?" she asked with concern, he sure didn't look ok.

"Yea sure, I just had to watch my soap. I can't go so long without it! Nearly missed two of my favorite characters hooking up, how annoying would have that been!"

"A true tragedy" she answered rolling her eyes. She walked over to House and forced him up out of the chair, "Back to bed with you".

"Yes mother" he smirked.

As they walked back to House's hospital room, Cuddy could still sense something wrong with him. "Is it because the treatment didn't work?"

"Oh that, not at all, I don't know what I would have done with out my cane, its better then a guard dog, it can beat things up, be my best friend and make people feel sorry for me. Who wouldn't want one?"

"Never mind" she rolled her eyes once again.

"So… when do I get to go home?" House asked suddenly, putting on his puppy face.

"Not yet, sadly" she sighed, "Im stuck with you few more days".

"Ill make sure those few days are hell, don't worry, it'll be fun, we can prank call Wilson and say it's his fifth wife" he joked.

"Morning sunshine!"

Gregory House awoke to the anything but lovely voice of James Wilson.

"God do I hate having to wake up to the sound of you, had enough of that when you were leaching on to me at my place" House grumbled.

"You didn't seem to mind once you saw that I had made breakfast." Wilson said with a proud smile on his face.

"True." He smiled sheepishly.

Wilson sat down on the chair beside House's bed and reached out to grab a bun off House's breakfast tray, but he never made it. House snatched it up before he could even blink.

"As awful as the food is here, I don't share" he warned, "Maybe you should bring me some of those pancakes of yours."

"Humm… yea I don't think so, your not dieing anymore, so it's not really worth my time." Wilson answered his boyish features quite visible with the last words.

"Jimmy, Im hurt!" House placed his hand on his heart to emphasize.

Wilson laughed as he got up out of the chair. "Your crossing off days?" he asked pointing at the small calendar with crossed-off days lying on House's bed side table.

"Yeah, a fun way to make the days go by 'til I get to go home!" House answered.

"What are the red dots for?" Wilson asked.

"For Cuddy and Cameron's period, so I know to avoid them." he put on a grave face "things can get ugly if I don't".

"I find the fact that you know when they get their period quite disturbing" Wilson looked at House with a funny look on his face.

"Also helps me know when I can get some and when not" House grinned.

"Yeah, ok." The funny look was now dominating his face. "I have to go work and all" and with that, Wilson left the room.

"Naïve little boy" House sighed.

"So how are we today?" Cameron asked entering House's hospital room.

"Why must everyone talk to me as though I was shot in the head not the stomach?"

"Not too great I see" she laughed.

House wasn't in a good mood; in fact he had been in a terrible mood ever since he was shot, And not because of those two bullet holes in him, although that can bring a man down, but because of that damnhallucination. He was just so confused. How are you supposed to react after hearing your inner truth laid out flat like that? And by your own hallucinating self none the less. All thoughts he ever hid, all thoughts he ignored, everything thrown at him. Is he supposed to change now? Seek meaning, something in return? Maybe even the seek affection of people, give a damn. He couldn't face doing that, putting himself out there to be broken all over again. And yet part of him wanted to give it a go.

"Cameron, can I ask you something?" he asked suddenly, his tone as serious as she had ever heard.

"Umm yea sure" she answered, raising her brow slightly at the seriousness in his voice.

"What is it that you like about me? I mean, if I was to change, become a caring, vulnerable you know, pathetic being, would you still like me?"

Cameron stopped to think, the only way for her to answer his question and match his seriousness, would be to tell him that she loves _him_, no matter what. That's the way love is. _Why the hell is he asking this now? _She thought angrily, he was week at the moment, and that made her even more vulnerable to him then usual. She just couldn't let him tear her up all over again.

She sighed deeply, looking straight into his amazing blue eyes. "Im sorry but I can't answer that" she looked down, pulling herself out of his gaze. "And Im not saying no, that I wouldn't like you anymore. I just… just…" she trailed off.

His eyes were traveling all over her face, desperately trying to see her expression, read her mind as he always did. Had he really hurt her so bad? Left such a scar that would stop her from expressing her emotions so openly as she always did. He craved to walk up and hold her in his arms, offer as much comfort as they could.

A searing pain suddenly shot up his leg; he grasped it as a yelp of pain escaped his lips. Cameron ran over to him, her face deep in worry. She tried to ask him what it was, how bad it hurt but he was now yelling in pain. He reached for the bottle of Vicodin that was on the side table but as soon as his arm left his leg it sprung back in an attempt to ease the pain. Cameron was panicking now, if House continued to curl in pain the way he was he's bound to tear his stitches. She called for the nurse who quickly ran in to the room carrying the morphine she was asked to bring. Cameron snatched it and prepared to inject just as Cuddy ran into the room yelling about how House can't have more morphine.

House's mind was barely functioning through the pain and yelling of his own mouth. _Give me that damn morphine_! He yelled to himself not being able to say it out loud. He was just about to yell something snark-ish when everything suddenly went black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I asked for it for Hannuka****, but apparently santa has dibbs.  
**

**A/N: I am soooo sorry! Im such a bad writer to keep you waiting so long! thank you to **Dr. Allison Cameron **for putting a gun to my head just like I needed. **

**  
**

Again House woke up in a hospital bed, by the growth of his stubble he could tell he had been out for two days or so, and yes, in a chair beside him all curled up was the fragile figure of Alison Cameron. 

He was dreaming it again. _Damn_ he grumbled to himself, _damn this bleeping hallucination I've had enough of it!_ But something was different this time, it wasn't right. The memory of the scene with Cameron, the searing pain in his leg started streaming back to him. _Real life it is then. I think. _He sat up and slowly lowered his legs to the ground; he took his cane and stood up. Thankfully the pain from before was gone. He looked down at the sleeping Cameron and a small grin crossed his face, he was feeling mischievous.

_Now, what shall we do today?_ If it were Wilson he would probably put his hand in a thing of water again, that trick was just too good. But on Cameron? Nah kinky was not his thing. He really couldn't think of something. He decided to just stare at her instead, seemed to give him the same amount of joy as a prank anyway. Not that he would admit to that of course.

"Great, you've ruined my creative streak!" he said aloud, making sure he disturbed her sleep.

Cameron shifted in her seat, slowly waking up. She stretched her arms and papered to dive back into her lovely dream, not realizing House was out of bed.

"Pathetic" House announced from across the room scaring the life out of Cameron, who quickly jumped to her feet. "You are pathetic, you know" he smirked.

"Well as you are ever so kind as to remind me of the fact every now and then, I am aware of it yes." she said looking him over, "when did you wake up? How's your leg?"

"Its fine" he answered, cleverly leaving out how long he had been awake and that he had spent all that time looking at her. "I presume the pain attack was just an aftermath of the surgery."

"Yea" she mumbled sleepily. "Your pathetic too by the way" she remembered to snap back belatedly.

"Now that wasn't what you were saying in your sleep" a wide teasing grin appeared on his face.

Cameron's heart skipped a beat, as it so happens she was dreaming about him, about them. But by the look on his face she knew he was bluffing. _Thank God. _"Actually you were leaning more towards the miserable side."

"So you were dreaming of me. Eh?"

"Always" she challenged, staring him down.

He chuckled. "What time is it anyway? Im hungry"

She checked her wrist, "its 2 AM nothing open here. And no, Im not letting you out of the hospital"

"Well then, we must raid the cafeteria!" and off they went.

The mood was light and cheery between the two, no mention of their last conversation or of anything serious. They just sat and laughed as Cameron described Chase and Foreman fighting to be in charge.

Cameron enjoyed it, his smile and laughter lit her up from the inside, erasing all that was bad. But she knew it couldn't be this simple between them. Sooner or later something serious would be back on the table and House would be shutting her out again, leaving her to hide her feelings again. But she dared to hope, to dream. She couldn't help it, that is what she does. She had no idea just how honest he was about to be.

xxxxxxxxxxx

As they returned back to his room at about 4 AM that same night Cameron felt the air about him change to something heavier. He sat down on his bed with a look on his face that she couldn't quite figure out. She mustered up a considerable amount of courage and sat down beside him.

"Its not supposed to be this way" he mumbled. "I wasn't supposed to get this far" he shock his head as he spoke, his hand rubbing his bad thigh.

"What do you mean?" she asked confused with no idea what he was talking about.

"I was meant to go off the edge long, long ago" he was still mumbling and look on his face was completely detached.

"But you've been crazy for ages!" she laughed hesitantly, not sure yet if this was the time to make jokes.

"I was supposed to go mad and kill myself! I shouldn't have gotten this far!" he was speaking with such sad passion that Cameron couldn't help let the tears start to well in her eyes

"And when exactly was all this meant to take place?"

"I don't know, some time in my twenties" he sighed.

"In your twenties?!" she exclaimed "how old were you when you planed all this?!"

"13 when I first thought about it, 14 when I decided." He avoided the look he knew she would have in her eyes. He didn't need anyone's pity, not even hers.

"Cameron was speechless. She knew House was bad even before his leg, but she had never imagined that it went that far back. The tears started to fall down her face as she finally started to understand just how damaged he was.

"You emotional wreck" he laughed at her lightly as he slowly came out of the daze of his confession. He had no idea why he just told her all of this, but it felt good to get it off his chest. He smiled at her and wiped a tear of her cheek with his thumb.

"You're quite a mess yourself" she sighed, leaning her head on his shoulder.

**TBC...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: House is the SEX! but not mine  
**

**A/N: You feed me I feed you. enjoy. sorry its a tad short.  
**

It was about 5 days later when the two had their first blow-out in weeks. 

It was time for House to go home and he was thoroughly excited. Finally some solitude and time to think, he was still feeling quite confused.

Cameron on the other hand wasn't all that chipper about it. Not only did she worry about him being alone but she had enjoyed the last week or so with House at the hospital, way more than she'd care to admit and she couldn't help but wonder if the good times would end once things were back to normal.

"But what if something happens!" she insisted. They had been bickering about House's return home for the past 5 minutes as she helped him pack up his things.

"I don't need a babysitter" he growled as her as he shoved his iPod into a provided duffle bag.

"You've just been shot House, you can't just bounce back: she was worried, Hose was injured and someone ought to help. She couldn't stop herself from tossing him her aid; she wanted to be there for him. The things that could happen if she would care for him… _shit Allison, now is not the time._

"We both know there will be no bouncing"

"Yes because I was being so literal" she snapped as she past him a pile of carefully folded shirts. "Let me help you".

"Right because the poor old cripple can't care for himself" he was fuming by now. She had nerve to even suggest that he needed any sort of assistance. He was Greg House goddamit, he didn't need _anyone. _

"I wasn't suggesting that!" she exclaimed.

"Then leave me alone." He said angrily, pushing a pair of pants carelessly into the bag. "Just go away will you".

"House, we both know I can't not worry about you" she said quietly. "Fixing the damaged remember".

"I don't want or need you to worry about me" he gave her a stern look.

"Right because you're an anti-social son-of-a-bitch who doesn't need anybody" now it was her turn to fume. All she wanted was to help, why was that such a crime? "You don't fool me House".

"Well your people-reader needs fine tuning". He picked up the quite large bag and slung it over his shoulder with some difficulty, grabbed his cane and started for the door.

"At least let me help you with that" she went for the bag. He simply dodged her and started walking away. "Oh come on!" she called after him but he just ignored her and kept on walking.

"What was that all about?" Wilson asked as he caught up with House near the main entrance, he had heard Cameron calling after him and wondered what was going one. Not that he was being nosy or anything, just a concerned friend of course.

"Nothing" House grumped, clearing with his tone that he didn't want to talk about it.

Wilson ignored the hint. "Lovers quarrel?" he prodded and since House didn't answer he continued "you two do seem rather chummy lately".

House wasn't going to do his friend the pleasure of answering that, so he moved on to more important things "any chance you could give me a ride home? The bag is a bit big for my bike" no way in hell he would admit that riding the bike this soon would hurt.

"Yea sure. Ill even cook you a welcome back dinner" that earned him a smile.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I tried to tell Hugh Im not a stalker, but the restraining order was issued anyway.  
**

**A/N: if there are still people reading this then I am so sorry. I suck at updating and know it.**

It was about nine o'clock the next morning when the gentle rapping at his door started. He gave it a good 20 minutes before bothering to roll out of bed in frustration and limp over to the door to answer. There was standing but of course Alison Cameron. God she looked cute. _What? No!_ He nearly smacked himself right there in front of her.

"Truce?" Cameron asked softly lifting up the bag of coffee and buns she had brought along. It smelled good. House eyed the food for a long moment before opening the door and letting her through. You can't fight the tummy.

She walked in and looked around taking in his apartment once again. She loved it. It was a complete mess but it had House written all over it. She spotted the Piano and smiled, she always wanted to hear him play.

"So are you going to give me it or not" he grumbled after a moment and she laughed lightly before handing him the bag of food. He took it from her and limped over to kitchen to get started.

She noticed he was limping but not using his cane, she also noticed that he looked quite good in those simple pajamas of his. After telling herself off silently she asked "where's your cane?"

"Im on stronger drugs" he smiled mischievously as she sat down across the table from him, she wouldn't dare take the seat next to him.

"How are you feeling?" she gave him one of her famous concerned looks.

He hated that worried tone of hers; it reminded him that she actually cared. "like I've just been shot"

Her eyes rolled instantly, "You don't say" she snarked.

The rest of the one sided meal went by some what awkwardly. He offered her half the food but she wouldn't eat in front of him. They seemed to get used to each others company as the minutes ticked by and he lost some of his hostility. She couldn't believe she was here just talking to him like a friend. She felt comfortable and the general chat was flowing quite easily as they moved over to the lounge to watch TV.

There she was seated beside him on the couch. He wasn't sitting so close but she could feel the tingles start all over her body. They were silent as the images moved across the screen, it wasn't an uncomfortable silence but on the inside she was screaming, yelling at her self to do something. The yells were so loud she was surprised he couldn't hear her. But what was she supposed to do? She had made her move quite a few times and it seemed like any moment she would throw herself at him, he'd move aside and she'd end up flat on her face on the floor. Wow she could actually see that happening.

Thankfully, or annoyingly she still hadn't decided a knock on the door ended her self-torture.

"Oh, Its you." House said as he opened the door to find Wilson on the other side of it.

"Who else would it be?" Wilson retorted pushing past House without being invited in. "Cameron" he announced surprised as he noticed her there. "What are you doing here?"

"We were having hot steamy sex before you so rudely interrupted" House answered for her.

Cameron rolled her eyes as did Wilson. "As much as hot steamy sex would be fun, Im just here to check on him, as Im guessing you are"

"He's only my best-est friend, of course that's what he's doing" House interjected again.

"One wonders why I am your friend" Wilson sighed as he walked over to House's fridge making himself at home.

This was Cameron's queue; either she stayed which she thought would be way to weird, or she left, something she really didn't want to do since her and House were getting along for once. She had decided; Wilson turning up was annoying.

"Right I better go" she said as she got up. "Wouldn't want to stop you boys from getting to your porn-a-thon"

"How did you know?" House snarked as he followed her to the door, not sure what quite to do with Wilson watching so closely.

"Bye" she whispered as she gave him one last look before turning around and walking away. He wanted to say something, but he really didn't know what. He was so bad at these things. He ended up just closing the door behind her and sighing to himself, a thing that didn't escape Wilson's watchful eye.

"What?!" he asked as he turned around to see Wilson's ear to ear grin. Wilson didn't answer, just kept on grinning knowing that House knew exactly what he was grinning about.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Here is the new chap, didn't even take me that long. lol. As requested by Dr.Allison Cameron there's a nice bit of dialogue, I hope you enjoy it!

A knock on her door raised her to her feet with a sigh as the opening credits rolled on the TV she'd been watching.

"What are you doing here?" she asked House as she opened the door to find him standing there.

"Im bored. And I was kind of hoping to find you in your pajamas or something"

"Sorry to disappoint you" she said as she let him through the door. She was indeed still in her work cloths having only really just arrived home. With House on sick leave the whole team was putting in extra hours.

House walked over to the couch and sat himself down without asking, tossing his coat beside him in the process. Cameron walked over and moved it to the coat rack by the door. "Good to see you feeling at home" she moved back and sat down beside him.

"CSI?" House asked as though there was something wrong with that as he turned up the volume.

"What? I love that show. Plus the Nick guy is totally hot" Cameron chuckled.

House ran his hand through his hair "you know I've been thinking of going for that whole shaved head look".

"Don't worry, your already balding"

"Ouch!" House placed his hands over his heart to emphasize in mock pain.

She grinned, "Don't worry, bald guys still get laid"

"Bald guys with money. Cuddy doesn't pay me enough for those private visits"

"Sure she does. You just go and spend it all on hookers" Cameron was enjoying this way too much.

House frowned at her "when did our roles change? Im the one with all the smart ass Snarky remarks"

She laughed and turned away from the screen to face him "don't worry, I wouldn't want to be you"

"Good" he smirked, "because Chase and Foreman already have that covered"

"Oh everyone does their fair share of that." She laughed lightly "Now shut up and let me watch my show".

As the 3rd commercial brake so irritably started on the screen Cameron got up and stretched lightly, something House couldn't stop himself from observing. "Are you hungry?" she asked walking towards the kitchen.

"You eat?!" he asked in exaggerated shock.

"I even cook. That surprises you?"

House chuckled to himself "after discovering Wilson is practically a food god I can't be too surprised".

"He really is a good cook" she called back.

"How would you know?" he asked rising from his seat in suspicion.

She gave him a taunting grin "I've had a taste"

"Now that is just wrong"

She simply widened her grin as she past him some vegetables and a knife.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Why me?" Wilson wondered as he recognized the loud repetitive knock on his door. "You know what time it is, right?" he asked House as he let him through the door with a sigh, he doubted House cared about it being the middle of the night.

House looked around Wilson's new found apartment "Any bimbo's around tonight?"

"I beg your pardon?" Wilson asked following him into the living room.

"I like her" House declared changing the topic of the conversation with no leads as to what he might mean by his sudden statement.

"I knew it" Wilson answered with a grin that quickly became a smirk.

House sighed avoiding Wilson's eye, "I like her" he repeated.

"The question is what are you going to do about that?"

House slipped into Wilson's couch and flipped on the TV, oblivious to its volume. "I haven't decided yet".

Wilson grabbed the remote off him and silenced the screen "shhhh", he sat down beside him.

"So there is a girly around" it was House's turn to smirk.

"I have neighbors you know" Wilson huffed crossing his hands across his chest and flipping the channels. "You should just kiss her, Im sure she'd be more than delighted"

House ignored him "Gimme that. You have no taste in TV" he took the remote back and started his own search for a program "Why don't you fetch us a bear?"

"Why don't you get it?"

House waved his cane in the air "Cripple!"

Wilson didn't even bother to argue, at this time of night House could win them all, as long as he actually left at some point, a thing he dreaded would be no time soon.


End file.
